Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
