the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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