The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
