Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
