New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
