So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
