I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
