You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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