dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.