i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
