I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
