Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The Olympian is in my bed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
