I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize