I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
