singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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