You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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