I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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