I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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