she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
