Yo dont text me then not text me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize