Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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