Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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