You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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