so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My cat gives me a boner
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
