apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
