she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
