felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
