my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize