Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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