Are we in a gay sports bar?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
