just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
