Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
