Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just pee around me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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