they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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