My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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