i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
