he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
