in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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