You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
