i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
