I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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