PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
