READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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