Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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