I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
did you just send me my own nude
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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