I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
