The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
