Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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