i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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