hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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