I cannot find my penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize