um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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