just come out here and I will go home with you...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
