SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
