Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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