Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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