i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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