I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
