I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
