proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
