I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
