She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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