you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
