I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found puke in my bra..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
