Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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