We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
