Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
