your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Houston, we have a squirter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
