we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
