Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
