I wish life had little blips of pornography
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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