Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need a beard to bite.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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