i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
