stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
