I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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